Rakhi Sawant to be Al Qaeda’s New Brand Ambassador
Onloose Pilferage Inc. | Undisclosed location in Tora Bora range near khyber Pass across Safed Koh in eastern Afghanistan, cave number 32

Osama Bin Laden has announced revolutionary measures to bolster Al Qaeda’s image. Apparently Al Jazeera, Osama’s Mouthpiece, has threatened to stop telecasting Osama videos since they were lowering the channels TRP.

The following measures have been announced:

1) Rakhi Sawant will feature in all Osama’s Videos. Each video will have a commercial break and all the revenues collected from the advertising will be used to rehabilitate Paris Hilton. The Information and Broadcasting Ministry of India hurriedly called a press conference to ensure that All the video produced hence forth will be rated “Parental Guidance” instead of the normal U/A.

2) To make Osama a universal Figure, The videos would be also released with subtitles in English, Hindi, Tamil, Marathi, Bhojpuri and Pali. The complete DVD set will be available for $14.95(offer only for US and Canada), said Mullah Sheikh Ahmad, the party spokesman who requested anonymity.

3) Closely on the heels of You Tube, Osama Tube will be the new video blog of Osama Bin Laden. Acer Laptops, in order to push up sales which touched an all time low after Hrithik Roshan’s commercial, will have OsamaTube.com as the default home page.





4) Animated films on the lines Of Hanumaan Returns will be released during Christmas and Thanksgiving in America. Osama Returns, Osama the GI Joe, Osama and Barbie dolls etc etc.

5) Exclusive distribution rights of the video will be given to Yash Chopra’s Yash Raj Films in south Asia and Michael Moore in North America. It is believed that Ekta Kapoor was also in contention.

6) Combat Flight Simulator, Afghan Edition will be launched. This will be introduced in all the madarsa libraries and will be soon available in Xbox and iPhone. The talks are on to include Combat Flight Simulator in Microsoft Office.






6) Taliban Singles Online, a web portal will be launched primarily as repository to keep track of Osama’s wives and daughters. The beta edition has been launched and one can open an account only by invitation.

7) A new music company will also be launched by Osama’s party. It would be called the Afghan Spice girls. Bappi Lahri has been hired to compose the lyrics.





The party has also plans to raise an IPO to the bid IPL teams.